Fathers Don't Babysit

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My wife, Himani had to travel for her official conference last week for 3 days. That meant that I had to take care of my daughter, Dhaani , all by myself. I also had to take one day of leave from office since her day care was off.  I believe this is a normal stuff for any working couple. But whenever I tell this to someone in my office or neighbourhood, the response  I get makes this look like  I am doing some kind of volunteering or social work. One of my neighbours told me last week

“So you are babysitting Dhaani for the next 2 days?”

I was really taken by shock.

“Excuse me? Babysitting? My Own Daughter?”

I wanted to say it aloud but I didn’t. I smiled and moved ahead.

But I strongly disagree with this mentality of our society of underestimating us fathers. Fathers are not babysitters. They are parents.

When both parents are working, there are bound to be occasions when either of them/both of them have to take leaves from office to take care of the child. We have had several such instances in the past 2 years and depending on whose office schedule is easier, we take leaves/half days.

My office schedule was a bit easier last week thus I called in for a work from home. Himani has taken many such leaves in the last 2 years when her workload is easier.  So the first thing here is sharing the load, not only in the baby-caring , but also in taking leaves from office when required. I was reading somewhere that working father’s on an average spending 8 hours with their children per week. Compare this to the enormous 50 hours per week spent by the working mothers.

I don't want to stress on the numbers here, but it is evident that we daddies have a long long way to go in terms of sheer quantity of time we devote. So, taking an off when the opportunity comes to spend the day with your kid is a golden chance to improve on that number.

Another thing which helps is taking the day as a playdate rather than a task which has to be completed. I include the following things during my day-ins with Dhaani:

1. Taking her out to the park and playing some games with her eg sandplay.
2. Playing some songs  to her and dancing together
3. Create some stories to keep her distracted if she becomes cranky.
4. Singing her to sleep
5. If she starts missing her mum, get her to talk to her on phone.
6. Click some pictures of the day and ask her to participate.
7. Be a kid with her, in short.

I am not doing something extra ordinary here, I am just being a parent.It amazes me beyond myself when someone compliments me that I am a great father just for doing the above things and spending good time with dhaani. And I can also sense a hidden judgment for the mother when they say this. It in a way means that I maybe I am doing things beyond my duty (which should ideally be done by mother). I cannot disagree more. We daddies, however much we try, can never ever come close to what a mother can and will do for her child.

Spending time with my child is not a favour to either my child or her mother. If at all it is a favour, it is to me. 


I take Dhaani out to the park every evening .At multiple occasions neighbourhood aunties have asked me very innocently a version of the following question:

“ Her mother is not in town or what?”

I fail to understand this question. And I have some counter questions myself. Let’s list some of these:

1. If  her mother is in town, can I not bring dhaani for a walk in the park?
2. Am I, as a father less capable of taking care of my daughter?
3. Why should mommies have all the fun?

It might seem that these questions by aunties are some one-off cases, but this mentality is very much there in our society and system. Expectations from us fathers are very limited. We are expected to provide for (monetarily) the child and take important decisions in their life. That’s all.


We are not expected to “take care of” our children ourselves but “just provide help to” our wives in taking care of them. I truly believe that we are underestimated as a group, us fathers. We are not babysitters; we are parents. We value the walks in the park with our children. We cherish spending hours doing stupid things with our family. We treasure missing important works to just be with our kids.

We do not and cannot replace mommies in their absence. And I would like to believe, with due respect, that even the mommies can't replace us.

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